i landed in a beautiful neighborhood, with a loving, providing husband, and witty, healthy children. while he bathed the kids and read to them and put them to bed. so i set out to my favorite little bench. but when push comes to shove, he'll keep guard over the small space and let me out into the big when he sees that i need it. when we watches me sit in the middle airplane seat, he's honestly thankful for my ability to do it. when my watch is riding a bit too far up on my arm, he looks panicky. and this is admirable, because he's more claustrophobic than i am. he knows when to talk it out, and when to let me move. i like heavy blankets, and tents, and individualized attention in a conversation.īut when push comes to shove, and life closes in a bit, i want some room. or small spaces.īut i'm selective about it. i don't like turtlenecks, or restrictive clothing. perhaps i should just settle in and watch the stars, and blow a kiss to the man in the moon. i haven't quite thrown out the box of bandages from my last fall, and my fingertips still ache a bit from clinging to the edge. but soon enough the evening dew will settle, and this will become a slippery slope. and my seat, fascinatingly enough, is a little divot, so i feel secure. my footing was quite good on the climb up. to criticize and blow out the little light that flickers.īut perhaps i should just enjoy sitting out here on the roof. I have a strong tendency to want to punish myself while i wait it out. letting the fresh air find its way into the depths of my alveoli.
and here i stand, on this mildewed roof as the afternoon sun melts into the earth. little tiny eensie weensie baby choices, non-catastrophic in nature. looking back, i can't remember exactly why i stuck my neck out this far in the first place.
So here i am, after a long, tedious climb to this spot. and occasionally, just once in awhile, they would stick in place, maybe just to get the chance to laugh back at me. i would chuckle at them, all topsy turvy and awkward positions. all arms and legs and back flips and tumbles. i would throw them again and again to watch their chaotic descent down the flat surface. i imagine it's a little like those stretchy gummy toys that i threw at the wall as a child.i loved those. I fumble around and somehow manage to get myself into a precarious position. i certainly don't bother to check the weather before i wander outside. and it doesn't help that i tend to get caught on a slippery slope.
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